Oh Dear.What do you do when your internet and phone are both digital and the whole thing goes down for no good reason at all?Well, first you say, THANK YOU COMCAST.Then, you realize you already have a cell phone and you don’t really answer the home phone anyway. (Except when you call, of course). So, the phone thing is handled, as long as no one from the various school districts needs to reach you. Then again, all of your friends are listed on the kids’ emergency cards, not to mention Gramma, so they can probably handle anything that comes up.The internet is a different story.For awhile, you can watch some of the shows you’ve (thank you jeebus) already downloaded from iTunes. In my case, it was:Mad Men - What is Peggy thinking, sleeping with Duck? Ew! And Don? Drugs?!Modern Family - How funny is the “cool dad?†Parks and Recreation - Amy Poehler is my girl, but that episode was bo-ring.Beautiful People - Heard it was canceled. Can’t get attached.Then, you can break out the cell phone and try to blog on there. You know what? That thing is really tiny. So, you “blow it up†but then you have to keep tab-tab-tabbing across the screen.Eventually, you realize everything happens for a reason. This is a sign that the Universe wants you to do some laundry, for gaw's sake. Wash a dish. Iron something.Maybe you put on an apron and swish around with the broom, pretending to be Betty Draper. Which reminds you that Betty usually smokes and drinks a highball when she cleans, plus she has some nameless live-in help that usually takes the kids somewhere with a tray of lemonade so she doesn’t have to deal with them.When you think about lemonade, you remember that you gave up soda this morning. Mainly because Kelly Osborne gave up soda and “white carbs†and she’s already lost 14 pounds. Of course, she’s dancing 20 hours a day for DWTS. Which might have something to do with it. Decide to make coffee in order to get the caffeine without the carbonation. Dump vanilla coffeemate in until it tastes good. Still doesn’t taste good. Realize it would taste better if it were carbonated with diet pepsi flavored coffeemate instead. Think about patenting the idea.Remember that you can’t research patent law because you don’t have an internet connection.Tick-tock-tick-tock. Do laundry. Stare at computer. Carry it around from room to room so it has a change in view. Besides, sometimes you can pick up the neighbor’s internet from other rooms in the house.Or so you’ve heard.Finally, decide to write blogposts the old fashioned way. A “diary,†I think it used to be called. Once the connection comes back, you can download enough posts to inundate your now dwindling followers (out of sight/out of mind)...Maybe plugging directly in to cable would work?Does the library have wireless internet?There were some homeless people using free internet at Kmart the other day...Maybe an early bedtime is in order.Is 4:30pm too early?
