*******Got our taxes done. Good news is we don't owe anything.Bad news, we just broke even.Looks like the boob job will have to wait another year.*******Graham finally got his ears cleaned. We never got the ok from Cardiology to sedate him, so I suggested giving him some Ativan.I gave him 0.5mg of Ativan when we got to the waiting room.Graham high is a good time.Goofy faces, glazed over eyes, perma grin, drunk shuffle stumble walk.The drug didn't quite take all the fight out of him. It's a good thing I've perfected the anxious kid pretzel hold and kept his arms and legs from flailing. An assistant held his head steady while the doctor dug all the crap out of his ears.And if stoned Graham wasn't funny enough, he had to yell this the whole time the doctor was poking around his ears;"Stop!! Stop!! You're. Being. A. Jerk!!!"*******So, have you heard about this Distracted Driving Pledge? Where you promise not to text or talk on your cell while driving?Yes, I agree that these are dangerous activities to engage in while operating a vehicle that his hurtling your body along at 60 mph.But.Have you ever driven with kids? More specifically an obnoxious Deaf kid and his muppet sister?"I want juice!""What she said?"Sign to Graham what Dottie said.Hand her juice."I dropped my book!""What she said?"Sign to Graham what Dottie said.Reach around to back seat and retrieve book."That's my book!""AHHHHHHH!!!"Sign to Graham that it is not nice to grab things from Dottie.Snatch book from Graham and hand it to Dottie."I want music!""No music!""Yes music!"Fish around for CD that pleases both Hearing and Deaf child.Fail.More screaming.Requests for food.Drinks.Books.Toys.Break up another fight.You get my point.I could drive while watching porn, playing the bagpipes, AND talking on the phone and be less distracted than I am with those two shits in the back seat.*******Does your job require you to be nice to people you can't stand?Mine too.Do you really want to tell someone at your job;"I can't fucking stand you. Nobody can. I want to stick a fucking rusty nail in my eye to distract myself from how fucking annoying the sound of your voice is."Me too.*******I hate watching sports. On TV. In person. Bores the hell out of me.I go crazy over the Olympics.Love the cheesy opening ceremony. Love the dorky commentators.LOVE the back stories of the athletes.Vladimir Pitstainski from a small mountain town in Left Gallstonia was forced to sell his family's last goat to the village pimp in order to fulfill his dream of being the first in his town to not only leave the mountain, but compete in Nordic combined sheep shearing.No, seriously.I am in awe of what the human body is capable of doing. Not to mention the spirit.And I just happen to like looking at bodies.The speed skater's bodies are my favorite.******* February vacation can go fuck a goat in the hills of Left Gallstonia.*******More Random at UnMom
