Alright, they got my app. I called all of my schools today and they are sending in my transcripts although I think my PAC one is the only one they need. Now I just need to check and see when the latest is I can submit my FAFSA. Really praying that it is after one wedding because if I have to submit it before then I am not going to be very likely going to school this fall.
While in this important transition of me actually getting grip on my adult life I with the help of the class I was taking at Sunnipath have realized my fatal flaw, in my faith that is. I realized it while taking the final, which may or may not be good timing since I don’t know if I still have access to my teacher, though I’m sure I could email him.
For those of you that took the Final and the course, it was questions 10 & 11. For those that haven’t I’ll share them with you and my answers and maybe you can share with me some insight as to how I can fix this.
10. Explain what is meant by “feeling safe from the devising of Allah”.
- One says that everything is okay, that they can sin because Allah is forgiving and they have no fear of His punishment.
11. Explain what is meant by “losing hope in the mercy of Allah”.
- One has lost faith in Allah’s mercy and forgiveness, that the believe they are going to hell and that it is hopeless to struggle for Allah.
I’m sure you can see where my issue lies. As a new muslim I believe too much in Allah’s forgiveness that I am not afraid, I believe this has to do with my prior Christian upbringing where everything was okay because we can party all week and just say sorry (even if we likely don’t mean it) and it’ll be alright.
I’ve also got depression and anxiety issues that I’m sure require some powerful and more then I can afford medication, which often does leave me feeling hopeless. Sure I could do more, alot more, but I in my messed up head it would never feel that it is enough. Why struggle against a current and die from exhaustion and drowning when just drowning would be slightly less painful?
You can see how this would be difficult for anyone, especially a new person with no IRL guidance. I love, cherish, and appreciate the help I receive online, but I’m starting to wonder if its like personal training for the soul. Maybe I need a coach, someone to answer to (you know what I mean) that I can see before I’m ready to starting doing it only for the one that I can’t.
