Dear Mom,I miss you. I miss you so much I can't stand to feel anymore. I come down to the house when Earl (my step dad) isn't home just to walk around and think about you. I see you on your recliner watching QVC, standing by the kitchen counter going through the mail, telling me stories, listening to your laughter and what your advice or response would be to my current problems. I'm writing to you now because I'm having a "moment". I'm at your house on your computer. It seems that the "moments" are getting further apart but they are more intense although a day doesn't go by that I don't think of you. There are soooo many things going on right now that I need to talk to you about. I feel lonely and hollow inside. I talk to Jack and Dan (my brothers) and James (my husband) but its not the same. We were "girlfriends" and "best friends" as well as mother and daughter. I have never had another relationship with anyone else as I had with you and I never will. Joshua told me that he wants to die (my 6 year old son) so that he can go to heaven and spend some time with you, but I'm sure you heard him tell me. What would you do about some of these current situations Mom? Well thats a dumb question. None of this would be happening if you were still here. Which brings me to this. I can't stop thinking that I wish it were Earl that died instead of you. I know that is horrible to say Mom and I'm sorry but it's just what I'm feeling. I will never be the mother that you were no matter how hard I try. Remember when you were in the hospital for the like the 5th time and I told you I wish it were me in that bed instead of you? I still do. You were just so much to so many people and to take you from us was unfair. It would have been easier on everyone if it had been someone other then you. They say that your death is predetermined at your birth. I wish to hell someone would have given me a heads up. Or would that have been worse? I don't know. Do people get mad or pissed off in heaven? I mean you can see what's going on. Should I be kicking some ass or not? I just don't know what to do.Mom, please help. I miss you. I need you.Love,Kim
