You know, you can read all you want about what to expect when your baby comes and how the different stages of his life will go. You can talk to other moms, you can listen to your mom, and you can, of course, glean all sorts of helpful information from this fantastic little piece of literature by yours truly - the Gucci Mama and the ever impressive Sassy Pants.But.That doesn't mean you are prepared for everything your child will throw at you, and you certainly cannot anticipate what other moms can convince themselves is acceptable behavior. So Sassy and I decided to list some of the things we never imagined we'd face as moms...or just as human beings for that matter. I'll shoot first.I didn't realize that some women breastfeed children who also eat solid food. I had no idea that there are moms who choose to breastfeed a three year old. Or a four year old. I also had no idea how militant the fringe of the "breastfeeding movement" can be. Hell, I never would have imagined there could be such thing as a "breastfeeding movement", much less a rogue fringe element. Ridiculous! But it's true. About a year ago, I encountered a woman who was not only nursing a child who I think was close to four years old, but she was doing it in public with her entire shirt removed. I wrote a blog about it, you can read it HERE, and my goodness, did it provoke a firestorm of opinion, insult hurling, and judgement. Those breastfeeding Nazis are scary. I'm all for it if you can do it (and it is a myth that everyone can) but I don't want to wear a sandwich board or organize a rally on the Washington Mall or anything.I wasn't prepared for people giving backhanded advice to me in the guise of talking to my baby. For example, at the end of last winter Josh and I were walking into the grocery store. It was close to forty degrees outside; he was wearing a jacket but no hat. I'm his mom; I get to make those decisions. So this woman stops to talk to him and says, "Oh honey! Tell your mommy your head's cold and you want a hat on!" Growl.Though my mom tried to warn me, I didn't believe that my child could say such horribly embarrassing things. Like the time we saw a black man at the movie theatre and Josh pointed and yelled, "Mama! Chocolate man!". Good thing the guy had a healthy sense of humor, because two year olds have absolutely no filter that stops the brain from allowing things like that out of the mouth.I know Sassy has much to add...so take it away Sassy Pants!There is no amount of reading, meditating, or prayers, that can prepare one for Motherhood.I would have to say that Playdates are on the top of my list of "what were they thinking"Playdates, how I loathe the soundNow playdates are not for the weak at heart, not one bit. In most cases playdates are set up not knowing the family and children intimately. So in all respect you really don't "know" these peeps. Especially the ones that are hosted by Libraries,. OMG!! avoid those at all cost!!Back to why did anyone think this would be fun?Sometimes when you know the fam it can be, but in most interactions it isn't so much.You either have the over anxious mama who is watching every move (this would be me) Or the one who doesn't give a flying flip what their kids are jumping off and into.So I have created a list of what to do and not to do at the "Playdate".1. Do know them well enough, so that if the 3 yr old has been kicked out of every daycare in the city for biting, you are in the know.2. Make a rule, Runny noses and fevers mean a reschedule. Really, there are people out there that don't care that their child is infecting your entire family.3. Avoid mandated "playdates" that are run but Public agencies, sorry I am not all about that public love, count me out!4. Bring snacks if you are going to someones house it is the nice thing to do, make sure to bring enough for everyone!5. Limit your date to about 2 hours. All of my successful "Playdates" that would include 4 ~6 children have a time limit. As do the children. Much more than that and you'll be sorry6. Plan an activity or rent a movie,.. have something planned. Instead of letting the monters rage in chaos7. Don't "playdate" at a restaurant that is sitting only, again you might walk out bald, from pulling your hair out~!Next but never last. Oh no EVERYONE HAS AN OPINIONI honestly after my third have had a darn stinkin enough of this crap!!!You can be sweet, you can.Me, BACK UP!!!I am so over people thinking they know how to raise my 3 children. Hey now I am not the one with 14 so back up!So when people push those fantastically annoying ideas upon you, I have come up with a few pointers1. Act like you don't speak English2. Make up your own language and respond3. Pretend like you cannot understand what they are saying or that you cannot hear them4. Respond with your favorite recipe5. My fav, just say No and walk off6. Act like you have a ewwie diaper to change, no time for chit~chat7. Pretend to answer a silent cell phone8. "Pray" for a temper tantrum9. you could do the ole' stand by and just tell em off. But for the sake of any lil' monsters I would try the list above first. You will enjoy confusing nosy Nacey.Finally, trust yourselfthat gut instinct, that makes you wake out of a dead sleep to make sure your 6yr old is still breathing. It won't steer you wrong :)
